back again, maybe.

Last time I was in Vietnam, I tried to blog about it every day. That didn’t work out very well.  Last time I was here, my grandfathers were still alive. Last time I was in Vietnam I spent new years eve watching a Veronica Mars marathon

A lot has changed. But when I’m back here, I feel like I did, like I always do.

I feel lost here. Literally. 

I’ve been here so many times, but I still have no idea.

I feel overwhelmed.

I feel hot, and sticky, and uncomfortable.

And disconnected.

My Vietnamese is much better now, mostly because of work. But I still don’t know what to say to anyone. And anyway, they can tell I’m not from here by looking at me. People literally stare. It’s a bit unnerving. 

Anyway, so I'm not allowed to do a lot of things here. For example, I can't eat raw vegetables/lettuce because some guy someone knew did and then he got a worm in his brain and then he died. I also can't take my phone or camera anywhere. So maybe there'll be no photos/posts again, ever. 

Anyway, so today I went to 2 different markets in search of some t-shirts that don't have any writing/words/logos/pictures/patterns/lace/frills/ruffles on them. This type of t-shirt apparently doesn't exist. Anywhere. Ever. I did find a lot of t-shirts with pretty hilarious pho puns. I would've taken photos, but you know. 

mosquito bite count: none, yet. i'm scared/dousing myself in insect repellent. but that never seems to stop them. 

i lost count.

I'm writing from my hotel room in Nha Trang. We arrived here bright and early this morning, having left home at the totally decent hour of 4:30 am. But don't worry, we took the easy road, and flew instead of going with the 10+ hour drive. Probably on a dirt road. So its all good. I have no idea what's so special about this place, since the last time I was here was 12 years ago... so i did the logical thing and wiki-ed it.

Wiki says: It is well known for its pristine beaches and excellent scuba diving and is fast becoming a popular destination for international tourists, attracting large numbers of backpackers as well as more affluent travelers on the Southeast Asia circuit. It is already very popular with Vietnamese tourists. Nha Trang Bay is amongst the world's most beautiful bays.

I was also told by the hotel staff who picked us up that we'd just missed Miss World. Who apparently has been staying here and just left this morning. Apparently she smiled alot and didn't talk much. And then I read: Nha Trang was the site of the Miss Universe 2008 Pageant that was held on July 14, 2008.

So um, obviously I've been living under a rock, yeah?


So far...
- I got 3 mosquito bites in the 1st 10 minutes. I was eating breakfast. They were eating me. Some list some doctor printed out for me which I pretty much ignored said that you can get malaria in Nha Trang. Don't have to worry so much in the city. Obvs I ignored all the advice right? I mean, preventing malaria? What a drag. I'm just gonna drink vodka tonics. One of the 4-5 things I learnt at uni last year was that people used to drink gin and tonics cos it prevented malaria tranmission. Its all in the blue-quinine-y sheen of the tonicness.

This is not Nha Trang.

- I met some Australians! I was trying to squish my way back to some stall my mum was back at, mumbled something like "Excuse me. Sorry. You're right." And the guy was slightly in shock and blurted out to his sister "She speaks normally!". Yeahhh... Hi guys... That's cos I'm from Australia. We became BFFLs for approximately 5 minutes. I don't know their names, but fuck, I miss home.

also not nha trang. somewhere in between phan thiet

- I went on a chanel 2.55 hunt. Yes, my sister is still looking for that bloody bag. We came close the day before yesterday in Saigon, except they didn't have black. And my sister has her heart set on black. Fussy fussy fussy. Found some similarish ones today, but they were were the 'reissue' version. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. But I had to go after some random lady who HAD the bag to ask where she got it. I'm pretty sure I scared her/made her think I was trying to steal from her or something, because unforts she didn't understand english very much. Or Vietnamese. Or German. I ran out of languages after that. But I think we deduced that her sister bought it for her from France. Or she was from France. Something about France anyway.

random sand dunes, mui ne

- I bought some sweeet glasses for $6. They pretty much look exactly like my glasses but navy. Only my glasses cost about $294 more. Being half blind is expensive y'know? Salesperson originally said they were $16. Absolute ridic. I probably would've tried to buy it for $10. My mum is the bargain master. Except she called after us the first time we walked away. I reckon we could've gotten it for $ 5. Seriously. On the topic of things I bought today : 2 skirts and a ring.

actual photo of nha trang.

- Blackout! Last time this happened it was the night before some exam. I don't remember which. But I spent alot of time smsing the people I'd been emailing/chatting/whining/ranting to about exams to complain more,omg fail! and to let them know I was still alive, and hadn't done the sensible thing and turned off my computer to study. I then spent alot of time playing with candle wax and trying to position the light on my phone so i could see. Only to have it automatically switch off every 2 minutes. Damn energy conservation! This time, we waited around in the lobby, being assured it would be fixed soon. Really soon. We waited. And waited. Got fed up and went to the beach. I nearly stepped on a syringe. We sat around some more. Two hours later, we gave up hope and walked the 9 flights of stairs to our room. The power came back on like, 10 minutes later.

Tomorrow I plan to lounge around, watch gilmore girls/greys anatomy, find a book to read that's actually in english and take advantage of the free wireless. My sister plans to wake up just in time for the buffet breakfast, eat a lot of bacon and going straight back to bed, she will also take advantage of the internet. My mum plans to wake up super early, go for a walk along the beach, suss out if its gonna rain or not and then drag the family on a tour to monkey island. I'm guessing she's gonna win.

well sit right down my wicked son, let me tell you a story

these past 3 or so weeks have felt a little bit odd. I still feel like we're just 'getting into' the year at uni. But we've been there for 4 weeks already. And now we've got a week off 'mid semester break' they say. (the semester is 13 weeks long, obviously they aren't good at maths).

My mum's been overseas for the last 2 weeks as well, which probably hasn't helped with everything. And I'm totally overparenting, my sister probably hates me (she's 14, isn't that what they do?).

By the 2nd week back at uni, I was already falling apart slightly. Highlights include:
- Mum deciding that she couldn't take it anymore, and had to go overseas for her health. Leaving 2 days later. My parents really aren't the type to leave us behind i suppose. We never really had baby sitters because they were going out together. I mean, we were in daycare CONSTANTLY from pretty much a really young age (um, maybe 6 months?) but it was because they were working. That is totally understandable. I remember my mum telling me this story about me when I was little. She was dropping me off at a family friend's house.
little me: why do you have to go?
mum: i have to go to work, how else will i have money to buy you toys?
little me: i don't need toys, i just want you to stay.
I have sort of lost where i am going with this. But for us, holidays were for family. We went together. Special occasions, same thing. Our parents never excluded us. So it's kinda weird for her to be leaving I suppose. Especially by herself.
Other times, my family have gone away, and I've had to stay here because of school etc. But I've never had to look after someone else. When they all went to vietnam, I was forced to stay with my aunt. She didn't work at the time, so she was always home, cooking, cleaning, DOING THINGS FOR ME. it was a bit crazy and suffocating. Then last year, my mum and sister went overseas for a holiday. I had to stay because of uni (drainmy life) but I was with my dad, and I basically only had to look after myself. This time though, I've got my sister. She's 14, but she needs to be looked after. I have to make sure she's awake before I leave for uni, otherwise she just wouldn't make it to school. I have to check she's packed lunch. If I don't tell her to, she doesn't eat breakfast. Or if I tell her, and she can't find it? she won't eat. And then she'll complain about being hungry. Its actually really frustrating.

- Picking groups to go away with on rural placement, and the drama that ensued. So over this. So don't feel like talking about it. Basically STRESS, but now everything is okay. It just drove me insane. And seemed to bringout the worst in group politics etc.

- Publically bursting into tears, not just once but three times. In the same day. So now I've cried in a stairwell at uni, very openly along royal parade (why is there nowhere to hide there?) and also at jungle juice. Awesome, I win.

- Drinking in the pipe at the children's playground. Yes, so completely not suss. Well, I would've gone to the cemetary, but no one else seemed particularly keen on that idea. I then played with little kids and wondered why they'd taken half the swings away.

- Work sucking.

I have the worst headache at the moment. I suspect caffiene withdrawl, but I was okay yesterday. So maybe it's actually something else. After the awesomeness that was week two, i kinda started coming down with a cold 'ie. i had a SLIGHT case of the sniffles' but i was freaking out because i haven't been sick in a really long time, and i'm worried that when i do actually get sick it's gonna be BAD. So I practically ODed on vitamins etc, and the sniffles left, but they keep coming back after a week or so. Its kinda screwing up my life.

Week three was pretty awesome, because I spent most of it neglecting uni, annoying my sister and being excited that Tara Simmons was coming to town. Also, placements were FINALLY sorted. Which made me incredibly happy. I am still worried about actually having to live in a confined space with other people. But that's another story.

Uni just spends most of its time feeling very LONG and HUNGRY. Potentially when it even isnt either. I've never been one to actually recount the things I've done very much. So I am finding this a bit weird, esp since I am all, hmm. what did i do on monday I can't remember HUGE GAPING HOLE IN MY LIFE but that's okay. Tara and Briony arrived late Wednesday afternoon. And I was content to stalk them, however they called me which saved me a lot of trouble. It was all good timing too, because I was at the library, and completely like this is making me want to kill myself. I have to move. Was gathering up my books, looking for a bin, and recieved a call informing me they were around the corner. They ate, I helped assemble the promo demos. And then we handed them out to strangers.

I've eaten, and i don't really feel much better. Oh well. The gig was on thursday night, and they were awesome. It was also insanely hot, pretty much that whole week. Potentially my fault, because I begged Briony to bring the sun down with her the week before. Obvs, she is a bit of an overachiever, and did wayyy too well. I wore my new dress. It was exciting. I was waiting for them to finish soundchecking at the library (yeah i'm becoming a nerd, it's strange) when some guy I'd never seen before asked for my number. Odd. It went like this.

*marlene is sitting on couch, writing notes*
*guy sits down next to her*
him: can i borrow a pen?
me: sure *gives him pen* (i have about a bajillion pens. in pretty much every colour.)
*marlene keeps 'studying'*
some time later he puts the pen back down on the armrest of the couch between us, with a note 'can i have your number :)'
*marlene freaks out quite a lot* i muttered something like 'sorry, i'm not interested', and went back to writing notes. He said 'oh i needed the pena nyway'
Neither of us moved for awhile, and it was getting awkward. He got up after awhile, and I didn't want to still be sitting there when he came back around (which he would eventually have to do to leave). So I ran away.

Friday was spent not going to uni. 'Studying'. Eating the same flourless chocolate cake that changed my life last time i had it (also with Tara). Melting. Shopping with Briony. Getting blisters on my feet. Sharing the most difficult to eat ever vermicelli 'salad' and being teased by the waiter for hanging around too long.

I just ate some more. I am feeling a bit sick now. oops.

Last week was spent being sick of uni. Monday was dedicated to eating slash spending all my money on food. Anna came down to visit from Sydney, and we shared what was possibly the hugest omlette ever. I spotted her from my stalker window in the library, and tried to call her, only to discover I had insufficient funds on my phone. We also wandered around a lot. Ate a cupcake, and tried to discover melbourne's laneways. The last two weeks have taught me I know pretty much zero about melbourne, and am confused when people ask me what are the good things to see/do. Because everything is so normal for me. I am also pretty crap at dinner locations. I apparently only know things that start with 'c' (coffee, crepes, cake, chinese dumplings etc.) Later on, caught up with Gemma, so we could binge eat and window shop (we're both trying to save money). I'd sorta forgotten how much I love dumplings. And that they should be a staple in my diet. (Along with ribena, coffee, chocolate, and sushi as described by me to Briony re: things we should eat). I also spent the latter part of the week crushing on someone who works at the coffee shop I go too. I hope no one googles this, because that would be embarassing.

I feel like I've already written so much that no one will be bothered to read it. It's just like paragraphs upon paragraphs of tiny ant like words. I feel like I spent a lot of time at jungle juice and the library last week. Which, really isn't very unusual. Those are pretty much the only places i will be that are not work/uni/home.

And now what I actually meant to write about which is holidays. Which I actually can't really be botehred writing about anymore. I was just going to mention that they're weird. And I don't really consume coffee during them, which I think may freak my body out a little bit. Also on the holidays, I don't really feel like I get to do anything, or have much of a break. I mostly usually either hang out at home with my sister. Or go help my parents out at work. Which are kinda of the reasons I hate the holidays a little bit. Well the reasons I hated the summer holidays a lot. And it was usually because I was working, and working with my parents really makes me a little bit suicidal.

I have no photos, because my mum is in vietnam with my camera. Photos are important to me. I really think I should stop procrastinating so much. Maybe I'll go lie down.