felt like the start of something bigger

12/02/09
So did I mention I'm in geelong? Maybe, who knows. Expect this post to be written over the course of forever, because I don't even have the internet. Mostly I'm too cheap to pay for wireless broadband since i'm never ever gonna use the thingymibob you plug in ever again after this. Luckily I kick Tho off his laptop alot. This keeps me from going insane/having withdrawals. I have no idea where tho is, but thanks tho!

I've been 'working' at the hospital for 3 days now. I use the term working very loosely. Obvs this is placement, so I'm learning stuff too yeah? Anyway, this is much less slave labour and slightly more being-in-the-way. Skills I've learnt so far include: trying to stand as far out of the way as possible. Also, my blood sugar is kinda amazing, so I'm gonna keep eating candy. This false sense of security will probably give me diabetes and um, yeah... that's all I've got. Things I've found amusing include: the chute system thing where you can send little canisters around the hospital. They get sucked up (it even makes a sucking/whooshing noise) and it makes me giggle. Also, I found a tablet counter! You throw tablets in and the machine tells you how many. Apparently its super old school, but its totes AMAZING. I am super imprest. That's a stupid pun. I'm gonna go hide in the corner now.

---

14/02/09
Its saturday now. I ran away home because everyone who brought a car was going home. And I didn't particularly like the idea of being stranded. So I caught a lift back home. I don't really know what the deal is, but I'm already sick of placement. And I get this feeling its only gonna get worse.

Here's the thing though. The actual placement hasn't been that bad. Its kinda like the opposite of warrnambool. I'm not being used and abused, mostly because I don't actually know anything. So the actual being at the hospital is okay. But I'm over living in like a college, with shared living/cooking/laundry areas. I mean, we don't even have an oven. like what's up with that?!

---

15/02/09
I think the real deal is I've always been able to say: I don't know where I wanna go/what I wanna do, I mean, I've never even worked in hospital. I don't know what its like. What do pharmacists even do in hospitals? What if I love/like it? And well, now... I can't. My cop out/don't think about the future/whatevs gonna happen next option doesn't exist anymore. I've been, I've seen and I still don't know. I expected for some reason that I would have at least some idea. That way I could get my shit together and figure it out. But obvs that's asking for alot.

I'm scared of having to choose one way or another.

I guess I hoped this would change everything.

You know what has changed my life though? This:

yeah that lion is totally eating like, a whole goat. okay i exaggerate, only half a goat. i have pictures of goats with heads, but i won't show you.

I'm possibly scarred forever.

Here are some less disturbing photos from our excursion to the zoo:

in my head i replay our conversations, over and over until they feel like halucinations

So likeeee, this whole placement thing. Its a learning experience y'know? They stick you somewhere (in my case the middle of nowhere! actually not really, it was pretty big, they had TWO coles'), in a position much like a 'job', foreign concept, no? And then; they don't pay you! At all! Not even in cookies! because you're learning! and knowledge is wealth! knowledge is better than wealth, and you'll be so full of it you'll almost burst/spontaneously combust! just wait till you try to buy a coffee with knowledge. and omg you better be fucking grateful! we give you (the lucky winner!) the opportunity to see what its like to work 43 hour weeks for no money! I have this theory, they're just setting us up, so that when we get jobs that actually pay, even if they're shit we'll all be like at least we get paid, unlike placement. So this, this is what i learnt. i'm gonna print it out, paint it green and try to buy a coffee and some lunch with it tomorrow.

Things I Learnt From Placement That I Sort of Already Knew.

I'm boring. And stuff.
My parents are pretty strict. I'm not allowed to sleep over. I can't stay out late. I can't catch public transport/taxi home by myself, esp when dark. I'm probs not supposed to date (unless he's like a doctor/lawyer/perfect boring kid), drink or any of that other stuff either. And so its totally expected that i go crazy without the parental supervision right? Nah uh, i think i'll just bake instead thanks. Make pastry from scratch? Sure! Heard of a supermarket, where you can buy these things pre-made? Clearly not. Annddd then i'll, pretend to study for 25 seconds just do some knitting/cross-stitch in front of the tv instead. I wish i was joking. This is really ruining my street cred.


WiniFred >>> LOTS


I am a caffeine addict.
There, I said it. I used to be all, totes not. I just like coffee. And I'd be all, adamant that I only drink coffee if its good, completely pointless otherwise right?! Plus coffee = marlene+horoscope time . I justify the statement that i'm not totally (only partially?) addicted by saying I only drink coffee on the weekdays. I don't on the weekends/holidays (ie. when i don't leave the house). What I didn't realise is that, at these times i DO NOT make use of my brain, and usually am not really required to function (library on the weekend = coffee; playing receptionist = no coffee). Whilst in countrytown, i discovered that holy shit, the coffee is horrible. Can someone say burnt dirty coffee water? Not only that, it was more expensive than in melbourne, go figure. And i kept trying, but it just wasn't working with me. It was crap everywhere i went. So then I drank instant. Only when i strugggling, still i'm not proud to admit it.


The world won't end if i don't read my horoscope.
Firstly, today's horoscope = hilarious, observe, "...You are trying to do something difficult. To achieve this requires ingenuity and intuition. You've got that. Now you just need to add the basic ingredients of sustained sanity. These comprise, as I am sure you know, of a healthy diet, good water to drink, space alone in which to think, and a decent night's sleep. Get those and the rest will prove no problem. " Ahhh, Johnathan Cainer, I'll always hate you.
So this one's pretty self explainatory, but i saved a few minutes every day (so I couldn't knit?).
On the otherhand, I was pretty bored, and felt a tiny bit empty on the inside.


I survived!
Obvs. And then i baked everyone cookies as thank yous. They were crazy/insane/really pretty. I should've taken photos.


Can't say i don't win at procrastination though. happy halloween?