felt like the start of something bigger

12/02/09
So did I mention I'm in geelong? Maybe, who knows. Expect this post to be written over the course of forever, because I don't even have the internet. Mostly I'm too cheap to pay for wireless broadband since i'm never ever gonna use the thingymibob you plug in ever again after this. Luckily I kick Tho off his laptop alot. This keeps me from going insane/having withdrawals. I have no idea where tho is, but thanks tho!

I've been 'working' at the hospital for 3 days now. I use the term working very loosely. Obvs this is placement, so I'm learning stuff too yeah? Anyway, this is much less slave labour and slightly more being-in-the-way. Skills I've learnt so far include: trying to stand as far out of the way as possible. Also, my blood sugar is kinda amazing, so I'm gonna keep eating candy. This false sense of security will probably give me diabetes and um, yeah... that's all I've got. Things I've found amusing include: the chute system thing where you can send little canisters around the hospital. They get sucked up (it even makes a sucking/whooshing noise) and it makes me giggle. Also, I found a tablet counter! You throw tablets in and the machine tells you how many. Apparently its super old school, but its totes AMAZING. I am super imprest. That's a stupid pun. I'm gonna go hide in the corner now.

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14/02/09
Its saturday now. I ran away home because everyone who brought a car was going home. And I didn't particularly like the idea of being stranded. So I caught a lift back home. I don't really know what the deal is, but I'm already sick of placement. And I get this feeling its only gonna get worse.

Here's the thing though. The actual placement hasn't been that bad. Its kinda like the opposite of warrnambool. I'm not being used and abused, mostly because I don't actually know anything. So the actual being at the hospital is okay. But I'm over living in like a college, with shared living/cooking/laundry areas. I mean, we don't even have an oven. like what's up with that?!

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15/02/09
I think the real deal is I've always been able to say: I don't know where I wanna go/what I wanna do, I mean, I've never even worked in hospital. I don't know what its like. What do pharmacists even do in hospitals? What if I love/like it? And well, now... I can't. My cop out/don't think about the future/whatevs gonna happen next option doesn't exist anymore. I've been, I've seen and I still don't know. I expected for some reason that I would have at least some idea. That way I could get my shit together and figure it out. But obvs that's asking for alot.

I'm scared of having to choose one way or another.

I guess I hoped this would change everything.

You know what has changed my life though? This:

yeah that lion is totally eating like, a whole goat. okay i exaggerate, only half a goat. i have pictures of goats with heads, but i won't show you.

I'm possibly scarred forever.

Here are some less disturbing photos from our excursion to the zoo:

there was a chance you'd surprise me

- i have paid off nearly all of my uni fees for this semester (i'm paying the last bit tomorrow - this is borrowed money, but i'm becoming more okay with this) ALL ON MY OWN, this makes me ver happy. very happy and very poor. the government is raping me.

- i no longer am as scared of working during the day as i used to be, this may be because my boss doesn't suck. am also slightly afraid of DYING when i work at night,which is always.

- i am writing this because i am embarrassed by the length of the last entry, and i don't want it to be at the top anymore.

- i am surprisingly good at squishing things to make room, i played a lot of tetris, it came in handy.

- i dislike statistics

- i figured out yesterday WHY i was taught statistics in first year.

- its apparently more useful than i thought it would be, because you need to know how it works in order to understand any journal articles.

- too bad i don't remember anything.

i like ice cream, lychee and lime kind
i don't like that i can't find it anywhere.
i want dumplings and coffee,
but not togther probs.
i don't like the weather, its fucking insane. no, its schitzophrenic, that's what it is.
i don't like uni, but i don't like not uni either.
i cant win.
i just got nail polish on my left index finger andi suspect also on the 'space' key.
once i knocked some nail polish off a shelf at a department store and it shattered, i have nail polish on the jeans i wore, and also on my chucks. luckily everything matches.
i worked last night, DREAMT ABOUT WORK, and then worked first thing in the morning. it was like 24 hours of continuous work.
i like the words 'sphenoid' and 'furuncle.
i think this is the end.