Things I've done this weekend other than working on my assignment:

• Bought a bag from J. Crew (it was on sale!).
• Watered the plants.
• Bought a duffle coat (it was also on sale, this assignment is getting expensive). 
• Stared at the plants on the balcony.
• Cleaned the stove. 
• Made lemon infused water. 
• Made iced tea. 
• Started writing a blog post. 
• Cleaned the bathroom. 
• Bought two pairs of shoes (they were on sale too).
• Reorganised my highlighters. 
• Checked my credit card balance. 
• Had a freak out. 
• Reorganised the pantry. 
• Made macerated strawberries.
• Froze some strawberries. 
• Checked the word count on my assignment 32 times, expecting it to somehow complete itself. 
• Wondered if the only reason I started a blog in high school was to procrastinate. 
• Washed all the rocket in the fridge.
• Worried about the plants. Wondered if they get enough sun. Are they happy? 
• Washed the dishes.
• Went on an hour long procrastination walk. 
• Ate a doughnut.
• Thought about making apple crumble. Realised I couldn't because the oven is broken.
• Made strawberry and basil syrup to go with the ice tea.
• Cleaned the kitchen.
• Washed my hair.
• Thought about planting rainbow chard. 
• Painted my nails. 
• Published a blog post. 

back again, maybe.

Last time I was in Vietnam, I tried to blog about it every day. That didn’t work out very well.  Last time I was here, my grandfathers were still alive. Last time I was in Vietnam I spent new years eve watching a Veronica Mars marathon

A lot has changed. But when I’m back here, I feel like I did, like I always do.

I feel lost here. Literally. 

I’ve been here so many times, but I still have no idea.

I feel overwhelmed.

I feel hot, and sticky, and uncomfortable.

And disconnected.

My Vietnamese is much better now, mostly because of work. But I still don’t know what to say to anyone. And anyway, they can tell I’m not from here by looking at me. People literally stare. It’s a bit unnerving. 

Anyway, so I'm not allowed to do a lot of things here. For example, I can't eat raw vegetables/lettuce because some guy someone knew did and then he got a worm in his brain and then he died. I also can't take my phone or camera anywhere. So maybe there'll be no photos/posts again, ever. 

Anyway, so today I went to 2 different markets in search of some t-shirts that don't have any writing/words/logos/pictures/patterns/lace/frills/ruffles on them. This type of t-shirt apparently doesn't exist. Anywhere. Ever. I did find a lot of t-shirts with pretty hilarious pho puns. I would've taken photos, but you know. 

mosquito bite count: none, yet. i'm scared/dousing myself in insect repellent. but that never seems to stop them. 

day negative one.

oh hello there blog,

so. i'm on placement again.

today i did nothing! which i mean, i'm not getting paid, so YAY. but if i was going to do nothing... i could've gone to work, which i LIKE and also, they will pay me so boo. or i could've done nothing elsewhere. like, say at the park. or at the library. or at home? and when i say i did nothing, i lie. this is what actually happened.

i went on an orientation tour of the hospital, where someone pointed at things and told the 1-2 people near the front what they were, while leading us in circles. so actually, i don't know where anything is. where's the pharmacy again? where's the bathroom?

my pharmacist was sick and the one who was covering for him ditched me. for um. 9 hours. during this time, i tried to update my twitter, ALOT. tried to send SMS's re: ZOMGSOBOREDHELP. and failed. I also flicked through my work book alot (can't actually answer anything without seeing some, you know. actual patients. or whatever), reapplyed my lipgloss 10-35 times.

i scammed free food in the morning but missed out on nice looking yoghurt & muffins. also, missed out on free food at lunch. am majorly disappointed.

i counted 3 pictures of the pope. keep in mind, i spent most of my day in the 1 room.

um, so i learnt nothing. lets hope it gets better.

OH WAIT, i know where alot of fire extinguishers are. for some reason they liked to point them out in the orientation tour.

...right.

the future or otherwise.

Scrap that, I have no idea what I want.

I've pretty much decided what I want to do, and it scares me. Because wanting and getting aren't the same thing, obvs.

The whole process seems to be centered around choosing what you want to do. And who with, but its a total lie. We're not the ones that get to do the picking.

There are three places I'd be happy to be at next year. But taking the risk for #1 & #2 means saying goodbye to option #3. And, so while I've pretty much had it sorted 2 weeks ago, I still don't know if its the right thing to do.

I don't know if this is the same as the end of school. Where there's so much focus on the 4 digits & the decimal point. Like, it won't really matter in the end anyway. Because no one cares after the fact. But next year is going to be tough, no doubt about it. The perks of full time work are hopefully being able to switch off when you leave the 9-to-5. And the perks of studying? Having an excuse not to deal with everything else/have a real job. And next year? Its the worst of both worlds. And I realise, these 4 years of 'preparing' for the real world and probs for the most part irrelevant ("i can draw the chemical structure of cholesterol! will that help?").


Everyone I asked at the careers thing basically told me the same thing. You've got to think about where you wanna be in 10 years time, and go with that. My instinct says, um... I have issues picking an outfit in the morning (admittedly, its kinda difficult when you've got 60+ dresses, but lets talk about that some other time/you can yell at me later). But the truth is, I have a vague idea, jobwise anyway. Which makes me not want to go there even more. The only thing I remember from the careers counselling crap we did in high school was that the average person makes about 6 career changes in their lifetime, so whatever everyone. I just want to see something different, even if its within pharmacy. Because I'm the kid who's only ever worked in pharmacy (working for my parents doesn't count, except: oh my god please don't ever make me play secretary, even if I do type fast)

I don't know if its true, but I'm under the impression that switching from A to B is alot easier than the other way round. So, if I'm gonna end up doing B anyway, why not try A out for a little while first. So what if I am maybe wasting my time, yeah?

This is the part where even though you have no idea what I'm talking about, you reassure me. Or, persuade me otherwise, b/c I only have a few days left to chicken out.

dot points.

You know what? I've got stuff to say. But by the time I get to the computer, I'm not feeling it anymore. Or I get distracted by nearby shiny things. Or I've forgotten. Lets do this in dot points shall we?

1. Firstly, these are not dot points. These are numbers. Good going marlene. Moving on.

2. When did we last speak? Its been so long. I don't even remember. Oh, I see. Well, there was uni. Then there was placement. It was not exciting. I did not get any $$, but I did get some perfume. The perfume was described as a masculine scent feminised. I do not know what that means and I'm still not sure if they were trying to say something or not.

3. I left that perfume at my old house. Yeah, we moved. It was a disaster. I complain to anyone that listens. Especially, but not limited to, the entirety of Jungle when its early/empty.
3a) I have no bed.
3b) THERE IS NO INTERNET.
3c) Its pretty, but I feel as if I am not allowed to use anything. We have 2 kitchens. The microwave has recently moved from the normal kitchen to the garage. I do not know where anything is, but I made a kick arse pasta sauce on Sunday night regardless.
3d) I do not know where anything is.

4. I have 3 weeks off starting next week. I hope this means we can play! Except I may have accidently told my boss about this. She was VERY excited, clapped her hands and proclaimed that it was the best news she'd heard all day. She may or may not have squealed a bit. My perceptiveness leads me to suspect that this means I may be working alot.

5. Yesterday, my horoscope told me that I need to build a ladder of hopes to get me out of my hole of self doubt. For some reason, Jonathan (fucking) Cainer has been spot on lately(with the exception of that horoscope right there). I still do not like him.

6. Right now, I'm supposed to be forming words into sentences. Actually, I was supposed to do that last night, but I knit a bit and then went to sleep instead. Either way, its not going particularly well. I do not really know/understand what I'm writing about. I hope that won't be a problem?

7. Since the last post, I have also managed to lose consciousness & fall over (in that order). I should probably get that checked out or something.

8. I am not sure why I like city library so much, considering it appears to be full of creeps/theives who like to talk to me.

Examples:
Creepy Guy #42: "You type really fast. Did you want to go get a coffee?"

Creepy Guy #42, again: "Oh, so you're studying pharmacy. Maybe you could check me out some time."

Creepy Guy #165: "Hello, How are you?", M: "Good" *backs away*, CG: "Are you from Japan?", M: "No.", CG: "Where are you from then?", M: "Melbourne." CG: "Oh, so near Japan." I would like to point out, just in case, that this exchange is occuring IN Melbourne.

I don't understand the way people ask what country I'm from, like no really, where are you actually from/where were you born etc. It makes me more determined to say Australia. Also, how people ask what my "real" name is. Because, y'know the name written on my birth certificate isn't real enough for them.

9. The word creeps made me think of crepes.

I um, hate pharmacology/pharmaceutics. Oh, and I have short hair. Over and out.

centre place

i've been hiding out at the library alot. again. i do this often. these days i'm doing more people-watching than studying. and more tweeting than lectopia-ing. but whatever. here's the view from my seat.i took that with my laptop and now everyone thinks i'm a weirdo. but whatever, now that we're all caught up on where i am right this second; wanna hear what happened yesterday?

First of all, I forced the sun to shine with my summery attire. The people rejoiced and gave me chocolate for my efforts. I know, amazing right?

this is me not studying among the study-ers. look my hair matches my scarf! i don't know why.

The other thing that happened left me confused for at least 2 and a half lectures. A random stopped me on the way to the tramstop & I, quasi-typically tried to do the avoid eye contact/brush off. It didn't work. She was trying to find the 'chemist' (which was right in front of her). When showed her, she seemed not to believe me and proceeded to tell me about her feelings and how she thought she might be pregnant and therefore needed a test to check. i was like, yeah you can get one in there. but she still seemed confused. so i had to take her in and show her/explain how to use it.

Seriously, why me? I spent the next 5 minutes checking that i wasn't still wearing my pharrmacy name badge (the one that save's the uni's arse if i accidentally kill someone while slave labouring). Then I realised how weird she probs thought i was afterwards. Helpful, but weird all the same. I just don't get how out of all the people on the street you'd pick me to ask about that sorta thing. I mean, I look about 12. No one believes that I've finished high school. Patients at the hospital were lovely, but also probably wondering why they let the small children talk to them. I still don't understand. But I'm also starving, which is more important right now.

flame trees

I have this other unfinished blog post, which has now been rendered irrelevant. Since, well, I'm no longer in geelong.

I'm back at uni for 2 weeks and then off to do some more slave labor. I don't think this kinda thing is good for my health. Anyway, so I just tried to open the website for the pharmacy i'm going to. And it won't load, so basically I'm largely unimpressed, already. Check back for irregular updates of my unimpressed-ness, coming to you maybe some time in the future.

I hate not being able to work at my own work while I'm on placement. Seriously, I dreamt about working when I was in geelong, did I mention that? Yeah, loser much?

So. So far today, instead of doing what I set out to do, which was say... write this non-assignment reflective essay (which I can't do, because the question is basically besides BLAH what else do pharmacists do. and i don't know what they mean by BLAH. so there's a problem), I've emailed sylvie, facebooked, opened and closed twitter several times, sms-ed gemma and started watching dollhouse. oh and i had a coffee. good work!

So did anyone else get that sms from Vic Police about the extreeeemes of conditions? Yeah me too. I hear some people actually replied. "O, thx 4 dat. I wuz thinkin of having a BBQ 2nite. But guess nt. Wht u up 2?" really guys? Its meant to be 32 degrees today, but last i checked it was raining. And I may/may not have just heard thunder.

Okay, time to go.
....and post!

felt like the start of something bigger

12/02/09
So did I mention I'm in geelong? Maybe, who knows. Expect this post to be written over the course of forever, because I don't even have the internet. Mostly I'm too cheap to pay for wireless broadband since i'm never ever gonna use the thingymibob you plug in ever again after this. Luckily I kick Tho off his laptop alot. This keeps me from going insane/having withdrawals. I have no idea where tho is, but thanks tho!

I've been 'working' at the hospital for 3 days now. I use the term working very loosely. Obvs this is placement, so I'm learning stuff too yeah? Anyway, this is much less slave labour and slightly more being-in-the-way. Skills I've learnt so far include: trying to stand as far out of the way as possible. Also, my blood sugar is kinda amazing, so I'm gonna keep eating candy. This false sense of security will probably give me diabetes and um, yeah... that's all I've got. Things I've found amusing include: the chute system thing where you can send little canisters around the hospital. They get sucked up (it even makes a sucking/whooshing noise) and it makes me giggle. Also, I found a tablet counter! You throw tablets in and the machine tells you how many. Apparently its super old school, but its totes AMAZING. I am super imprest. That's a stupid pun. I'm gonna go hide in the corner now.

---

14/02/09
Its saturday now. I ran away home because everyone who brought a car was going home. And I didn't particularly like the idea of being stranded. So I caught a lift back home. I don't really know what the deal is, but I'm already sick of placement. And I get this feeling its only gonna get worse.

Here's the thing though. The actual placement hasn't been that bad. Its kinda like the opposite of warrnambool. I'm not being used and abused, mostly because I don't actually know anything. So the actual being at the hospital is okay. But I'm over living in like a college, with shared living/cooking/laundry areas. I mean, we don't even have an oven. like what's up with that?!

---

15/02/09
I think the real deal is I've always been able to say: I don't know where I wanna go/what I wanna do, I mean, I've never even worked in hospital. I don't know what its like. What do pharmacists even do in hospitals? What if I love/like it? And well, now... I can't. My cop out/don't think about the future/whatevs gonna happen next option doesn't exist anymore. I've been, I've seen and I still don't know. I expected for some reason that I would have at least some idea. That way I could get my shit together and figure it out. But obvs that's asking for alot.

I'm scared of having to choose one way or another.

I guess I hoped this would change everything.

You know what has changed my life though? This:

yeah that lion is totally eating like, a whole goat. okay i exaggerate, only half a goat. i have pictures of goats with heads, but i won't show you.

I'm possibly scarred forever.

Here are some less disturbing photos from our excursion to the zoo:

lost+found

Clearly I'm an awful blogger. I was gonna say that it's because I haven't been doing anything, but really, I didn't do anything in Vietnam either, and i managed to blog about it then. So really, I have no excuse.

Since returning to Melbourne, I have:
- Worked alot. Over the last 2 days though, 'working' meant cutting out alot of love hearts.Which shamefully, I love/hate. I'm guessing I've cut out about 400. For reals. I was also (jokingly, I think) offered a job in Darwin. My marketable skills include typing fast, dressing nice and extreme heart cutting skillz. These clearly mean I am going to be a super dooper fantastic pharmacist, you know, one day.

- Eaten ice cream for breakfast. It was peach/yoghurt with strawberry stuff. Obvs because it was yoghurty/fruity I was able to pretend it was also nutritous. I mean, like... people eat yoghurt and fruit for breakfast right? Mine was just frozen. In my defence it was the day after I got back and the only things we had in the fridge was a 6-pack & a bottle of coke. I had to go OUT to get the ice cream. Later that day I had dodge tattersall's lane dumplings & beer. Amazing. See?

- I also did alot of boring errandy things. These include: the things I should've done when my wallet was actually stolen, searching for the right highlighters (bic briteliners are shit btw, don't do it) & making trips into the city to buy my sister text books/visit uni for 2.5 seconds because they need to physically see the ORIGINALS to believe I'm not a criminal.

- Not yet unpacked. Its really freaking difficult to unpack when your things are spread across 8 suitcases. I thought I had most of it. But I'm missing about 4 tshirts and a skirt. That um, I can think of. There's probably more. But these things are new, so ... also i apparently left some clothing behind in Vietnam. Not by accident, but because we couldn't fit it in. Not even with the rolling. Come to think of it, those things are probably squished under a speaker. Yeah, still.

- Celebrated Chinese Lunar New Year. Well not really. I worked that day. I totally jumped when I was offered that shift, not because it was Lunar New Year but because it was Australia Day, and hello double pay! I actually had no idea the 2 were on the same day this year. My mum was none too pleased. I mention this yearly, but whatever you do that day reflects on the rest of your year apparently. I don't know what the problem was though... I'm okay with double pay for the rest of the year.

- Melted. 44 degrees for several consecutive days. Enough said.

- Knitted a beret/thing. Clearly something about 44 degree weather shouts "knit something warm and wintery!" Seriously, what is wrong with me? Although, today I saw a similarly handknit thing selling for $50, so um, does anyone wanna buy it?

- Played guitar hero.

Today I:
- sms'ed step-by-step instructions on how to draw an atom. This could mean that my sister's chem teacher is fooled into thinking she actually understands chemistry.

- discovered that there's another waffle on. HOW did I not know this? I wish waffle on still lived up to the expectations I have in my mind. As in, exactly as amazing as they were in high school and as cheap as they were then too.

- went to the lost & found market and bought an adorable vintage apron. Now all I wanna do is bake rainbows, cookies, sunshine, cupcakes with sprinkles, apple tarts, and hand make puff pastry. Any volunteers for dish duty?

- right now i'm trying to figure out how to get to the zoo by public transport, this involves the same tram stop that takes me to uni. Twice in 2 days? I was probably there less when I had actual classes. Incase you were wondering:

1		Continue along		Royal Pde		10 m	about 1 min
2		Turn left at		Walker St		220 m	about 4 min
3		Turn slight left at		Unnamed Road		300 m	about 5 min
4		Turn right at		Elliott Ave		60 m	about 1 min
5				Unnamed Road		10 m	about 1 min

Thanks metlink! unnamed roads? Sure, no problem.

Tomorrow:
- I need to go get to the bank and reset my pin. Because, uh. I don't know it. Problem much?

- Buy picnic-y things & take my sister to the zoo to see some giraffes with super long eyelashes, baby elephants & try to leave her with the monkeys. Then we're gonna feast & watch kmh/the verses. Its gonna be amazing. We won't get lost. Maybe I can get a pet puma? Yeah?

I'm. Really. Hungry.

in hiding

I'm trying really unsuccessfully to hide out while my parents dad pack. He's alternating between accusing me of not being able to get my shit together and mumbling about how much there is to do and how its all on him. Unfortunately, he's chosen to pack on the floor right behind me, anddddd there isn't internet anywhere else, so I'm not moving. I think my mum's trying to hide too. This is because, without fail, my dad unpacks everything anyone else has packed & repacks it, all the while telling us how fail we are. He likes to roll everything up. And while I appreciate that's the best way to pack more in, sometimes there's not all that much stuff and you end up with too much space and your things roll around.


This time however, we seem to have ended up with ALOT of stuff. Here are 3 things I can see:
- Speakers. Four of them. I'm trying to figure out how much they weigh without getting too close, I can't see, but they're direct/reflecting speakers. I don't know what that means. But they're big.
- Oh hey! Look! Its the 6 tops i bought for $15. Unfortunately, they're all the same shade of purple.
- Light fittings? Seriously, what is this?

Cya in Australia/somewhere in between/whatevs

pee ess, Happy Birthday to Crystal!